Page 10 - MyFaith Mag March 2017 flipbuilder

happy?” and was intrigued enough to begin reading.
Several hours later, she woke her husband up and said
she wanted to give their marriage another try. She never
moved out, eventually got pregnant, and that’s the baby
they showed to me. They told me, “This little girl would never
have been born if we hadn’t read your book.”
5. Is there a short answer to the difference between actions
to love & to cherish?
This might not be a short answer, but it helps to examine
how the Bible defines “love” in 1 Corinthians 13 and com-
pare that with the concept of cherishing in Song of Songs:
Love is about being gracious and altruistic. “Love is patient,
love is kind.” (1 Cor. 13:4) Cherish is about being enthusias-
tic and enthralled. “How much more pleasing is your love
than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume more than
any spice.” (Song of Songs 4:10)
Love tends to be quiet and understated. “[Love] does not
envy, it does not boast.” (1 Cor. 13:4)
Cherish boasts boldly and loudly: “My beloved is radiant
and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand.” (Song of
Songs 5:10)
Love thinks about others with selflessness. “Love is not
proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking.”
(1 Cor. 13:4-5)
Cherish thinks about its beloved with praise. “Your voice is
sweet and your face is lovely.” (Song of Songs 2:14)
Love doesn’t want the worst for someone: “Love does not
delight in evil.” (1 Cor. 13:6)
Cherish celebrates the best in someone: “How beautiful
you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!” (Song of Songs 1:15)
Love puts up with a lot: “[Love] always hopes, always perse-
veres.” (1 Cor. 13:7)
Cherish enjoys a lot. “His mouth is sweetness itself; he is alto- A cup of coffee by my bedside when I wake up in a hotel
gether lovely.” (Song of Songs 5:16)
Love is about commitment. “Love endures all things. Love
never fails” (1 Cor. 13:7-8; ESV)
Cherish is about delight and passion. “Your name is like
perfume poured out.” (Song of Songs 1:3)
Love and cherish never compete—they complement each
other and even complete each other.
6. Where is your favourite place to write?
My office, preferably with a cup of chai tea nearby.
7. Have you any advice to aspiring authors wanting to tack-
le the marriage theme?
One of the greatest challenges is that there are so many
books out there on marriage that you need to find a dis-
tinct voice and purpose. Sacred Marriage was different
due in part to my limitations—I’m not a trained therapist so
I couldn’t write another “how to” book. Instead, I explored
how God uses marriage to shape us spiritually. I’m asked
to endorse many books and the main problem is that so
many try to be a “one size fits all” marriage book: they
contain a chapter on communication, finances, spiritual
intimacy, sex, conflict, etc. The problem is, I feel like I’ve
read those books/chapters dozens of time. Find a unique
angle—something that hasn’t been addressed—and bring
your unique voice to it.
8. Who is your greatest critic?
Myself.
9. Which authors do you love to read?
I love to read the Christian classics: Calvin, Francis de Sales,
John Owen, Pascal, Brother Lawrence, Fenelon, William
Law, Jonathan Edwards, John Wesley, C.S. Lewis, Tozer, and
many others. For contemporary writers, I’m a big fan of N.T.
Wright and John Ortberg.
10. Do you believe knowing your spouse’s love language
will enable you to cherish your spouse in a specific way
suitable to them?
Yes. I believe the 5 Love Languages can be a very help-
ful and effective way to cherish your spouse. Cherishing is
all about the “particular.” It means different things to differ-
ent spouses. If you want your spouse to feel cherished, you
need to find out what makes them feel cherished.
11. Can you describe one or two practical ways that you,
Gary, cherish your wife Lisa?
Here’s the foreword Lisa wrote that might answer this in her
own words:
I know what it feels like to be cherished.
A warm hand covering my cheek, maybe with a little eye
contact
A gentle back rub
room
Words of affirmation, beyond what I deserve, sometimes
even spoken in a room full of strangers
A hand pressed on the small of my back
A gas tank that remains miraculously full
Soft words when a harsh response might have been
justifiable
Some of these things might make you feel annoyed rather
than cherished! Cherishing takes on different forms for
each of us, but for me, it is the little acts that leave me feel-
ing adored, safe, worth the effort.
Just hearing the word cherish makes me want to hug Gary,
give him a kiss on the cheek, and say thank you.
12. What have you learnt the most about your marriage
after publishing your first marriage book?
A good marriage takes a lot of work, but it’s worth the work.
To be married and not work on your marriage often leads
to misery. If you do the work to grow your marriage, the ef-
fort will repay you tenfold. A happy, close and intimate mar-